...that's what I'm working on.

Ups and downs with my son Dusty are beginning to take a toll on me.

The way I check in with myself to see how I'm doing emotionally and spiritually is to visualize myself as a tree...

(Ok. I see some eye rolling out there...
I realize that may be too corny for some, but it works for me.)

...and I try to visualize what I look like...am I firmly rooted in the ground and mostly calm, with maybe a slight ruffle of my branches every once in a while? Or do I look like I've just been hit by a tornado, roots all hanging out and debris strewn all around me?

Right now, I see myself/my feet pretty firmly planted in the grounded but there's a pretty good breeze blowing me around. Every now and then my roots tremble a little as a gust takes me by surprise.

As of this morning, working with a counselor Dusty has decided to stop the treatment plan he's been doing for the past 12 days. 7 days from now he'll go back into detox and hopefully from there to a 65+ day residential treatment facility.

Today, that's the plan.

I think I've been doing an ok job of walking the line between being supportive and enabling. It's just so hard when it's your child - and an adult child, at that - to know when you are being a caring, concerned, supportive parent and when you are enabling.

Mostly, I listen to my gut, and today my gut says, it's time to pull back and re-group mentally and emotionally.

Time to not answer the phones, to sit in the quiet and knit and to make sure I go to bed a little earlier than usual the next few nights.

Time to let go and let the Universe take over.
Time to trust that there's a higher plan.

It doesn't help that I'm feeling out of sorts with my knitting.

I only have about an hour of work left to do on Frankie's Lacy Sweater...pick up the neck stitches and knit 5 or so rows that make the eyelet neckband, then sew together. I keep forgetting to stick size 5 needles in my bag, or I'd be showin you a FO picture today.

I cast on BM's Mondo Cable Shell using some stash yarn, but it's not getting it for me. It's the yarn, not the pattern.

~sigh~

What's a gurl to do?
Maybe I'll get sparked by something when the new Knitty goes up next week.

The things I have seen that have sparked me - in the new Rowan and Vogue - then make me feel depressed that I didn't follow through with losing weight this winter. All the really cute stuff is midriff baring and fitted.

My midriff? Well let's just say, Sunday I put on a pretty pink regular length sweater to go to my families Easter dinner and after passing the mirror a couple times took it off and put on a blouse-y button up shirt thing.

I couldn't bear going out of the house looking like a human Easter egg.