Teresa

When It Comes to Blogging...

Tue, 10 May 2005 14:27:37 GMT

...this cup is empty and the barista is closing the cafe.

I'll be knitting as usual...I just won't be blogging about it. I'm going to leave my blog up until I have a chance to transfer my gallery pictures to a place for safe keeping.

I know I've said I was going to quit blogging before and didn't.
This time is for sure.

Thanks for all the friendship, support and camaraderie over the past few years.
I hold each and every online knit friend very dear to my heart.
OXO
Teresa

Branching Out

Fri, 06 May 2005 15:03:05 GMT

Done!
'cept for the few little ends I wove in shortly after taking this picture!

Despite of - Or Rather Inspite of My Current Disquietetude and Botheration

Tue, 03 May 2005 16:18:02 GMT

...I actually took pictures of knitting yesterday.

The Lacy Sweater...

...drying/blocking on my front porch.

Staggered Fern Lace sweater progress:
(I first wrote "Staggering Fern"
Fern Lace after a few too many Iced Kaluah Latte's ~grin~)

Using Endless Summer Collection - Sonata.
I LOVE THIS YARN! Just checked Elann to see what's left of it -
NUTHIN'! Zilch! Natta! Not even a link...
Harumpft! I'm not the only one who loves this yarn.
I sent 'em an email asking if they plan to restock.

My last two projects have taught me a lesson - never say hate, as in, "I hate cotton."
From now on I will say, "I dislike _____________ (fill in the blank with specific yarn.)
Never say "never."
Never say "hate."

Last but not least, trying to finish by tomorrow night, so I can block and give as a going-away/remember me gift to my current but soon to be former beloved supervisor who's last day is Friday:

Sorry about the dark picture.
Susan's totally awesome Knitty offering Branching Out.
I'm using Elsebeth Lavold's Silky Wool for the first time - what loverly yarn.

Loverly.

Monday

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 20:01:40 GMT

Another heartfelt thank-you all who left a comment or emailed me regarding my last post. I'm really grateful for your words of support and comfort and for the personal info you've shared with me.

I found a wonderful Ala-non group that is for parents of chemically dependent children. It meets on Monday evening - last Monday was my first time to attend. I'm going again tonight. It is the place for me to be right now.

I also found another Ala-non meeting that meets on Friday nights and have been there twice. Last Friday I made a great connection there with a guy who attends because of his son's addiction. We talked for a long time after the meeting. It was good.

I am knitting - at least a little everyday. I know I don't have to explain to you what comfort and peace I find in focusing on nothing but those two sticks and the string. For some reason though, I haven't been able to motivate myself to write or take and post pictures of my knitting...it seems kind of silly and inconsequential.
Existential knitting blogger's angst.

Learning to Surrender

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 20:55:18 GMT

Dusty did his time in detox last week - 6 days in all and the treatment center picked him up a little after 8 Monday morning, as planned. By 2 pm he walked out.

He said he thought he was going to have a panic attack and that he HAD to get out of there. So. He left. Twenty minutes later, when he realized being out hadn't made him feel any better - he went back and asked if he could come back. They said no, he'd have to wait 90 days and then go back on the waiting list.

He found a way back to Dayton (the treatment center is about 20 miles away) and came to my house and didn't want me to be mad at him. I wasn't as much mad as deeply, DEEPLY disappointed in him. So disappointed I couldn't really find words to express how I felt. I told him, even though I love him and that will never change, I was at my limit of answers to his questions of how to fix all the problems he has created for himself. He was there for about 45 minutes.

C came home from work, and we headed out to get something for supper, so we dropped Dusty off at a NA meeting downtown. On the way C, asked me - in front of Dusty - if I had told him what my limits were going to be with him now - which I'm so glad she did. But that got me crying, crying and talking about how scared I am for him and how hard it is to know when I'm enabling and when helping is really helping. Once I opened all that up - that was pretty much it for me, for the evening. I let myself feel what I needed to feel and cry as much as I wanted. I think I fell asleep on the couch about 10:15.

Right now, I'm working on accepting that not everyone has to go to treatment to get/stay clean - it just makes it a hellofalot harder. I'm also working on staying strong and clear headed so I can set boundaries with him as things come up, 'cause he's a little tornado, right now just looking for places to touch down.

Remember my post from a week or so ago - me, visualizing myself as a tree?
A tree has no choice but to weather a tornado.
Me? Well, this is where the analogy ends.

The most loving thing I can do for myself and Dusty is to step away and let him twist and turn and find his own way to either his bottom or a path out of destruction toward a peaceful, drug free life.

And I thought it would be Dusty who would be doing the hard work of surrendering to the disease of drug addiction this week...
...silly me.

The Grass Might Be Greener...

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 18:18:12 GMT

...but the flowers sure are pretty!

Thanks to those of you who left a comment to my last post.
I'm terrible about responding directly via email - but that doesn't mean that I don't value every thought, word or prayer. Thank you.

Dusty was admitted into detox about an hour ago. It looks like there should be an opening at a local residential treatment center when he's released at the end of this week. I'm praying for that - no gap between detox and treatment.

New Project!!
I came across the Summer Fern Top

whilst clicking around One Fine Yarn's website.

I was looking for something to knit with Rowan's Handknit DK Cotton. So, why did I end up ordering Elann's Endless Summer Collection Sonata?

Yarn for Fern Top:
Rowan Handknit Cotton DK = $70+ before S/H
Endless Summer Collection Sonata = $25.74 before S/H

I'm a Rowanette wannabe on an Elannette budget.

When I ordered a week or so ago, they had white in stock. I bought white.

From the Summer Fern Top page/One Fine Yarn:
Sleeveless shell is a delight in cool cotton. The feminine look of the staggered fern lace pattern will make this a favorite choice for your summer evenings.

Pattern is designed by Velma Nickerson and published in Inknitters magazine summer 2004.

I cast on the Fern top last night - which BTW is knit in the round (size L/270 stitches) and got 4 of 6 seed stitch /edge rows knit before I fell alseep in the chair- needles in hand. I'll post a picture when there's something worth showing.

Lacy Sweater
All but one sleeve sewn together.

Speaking of the Lacy Sweater -
"Kara Faith" nickname "Frankie" - my great niece - was born Friday March 25th.
7 pounds something. She was the featured guest at my family Easter Sunday get-together.
At that time, 2 days old.
So sweet.

Pictures of baby and sweater next week.

WHA-HOooO!

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 14:39:20 GMT

I've got SANDLES on today!!

Staying Grounded

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 19:33:46 GMT

...that's what I'm working on.

Ups and downs with my son Dusty are beginning to take a toll on me.

The way I check in with myself to see how I'm doing emotionally and spiritually is to visualize myself as a tree...

(Ok. I see some eye rolling out there...
I realize that may be too corny for some, but it works for me.)

...and I try to visualize what I look like...am I firmly rooted in the ground and mostly calm, with maybe a slight ruffle of my branches every once in a while? Or do I look like I've just been hit by a tornado, roots all hanging out and debris strewn all around me?

Right now, I see myself/my feet pretty firmly planted in the grounded but there's a pretty good breeze blowing me around. Every now and then my roots tremble a little as a gust takes me by surprise.

As of this morning, working with a counselor Dusty has decided to stop the treatment plan he's been doing for the past 12 days. 7 days from now he'll go back into detox and hopefully from there to a 65+ day residential treatment facility.

Today, that's the plan.

I think I've been doing an ok job of walking the line between being supportive and enabling. It's just so hard when it's your child - and an adult child, at that - to know when you are being a caring, concerned, supportive parent and when you are enabling.

Mostly, I listen to my gut, and today my gut says, it's time to pull back and re-group mentally and emotionally.

Time to not answer the phones, to sit in the quiet and knit and to make sure I go to bed a little earlier than usual the next few nights.

Time to let go and let the Universe take over.
Time to trust that there's a higher plan.

It doesn't help that I'm feeling out of sorts with my knitting.

I only have about an hour of work left to do on Frankie's Lacy Sweater...pick up the neck stitches and knit 5 or so rows that make the eyelet neckband, then sew together. I keep forgetting to stick size 5 needles in my bag, or I'd be showin you a FO picture today.

I cast on BM's Mondo Cable Shell using some stash yarn, but it's not getting it for me. It's the yarn, not the pattern.

~sigh~

What's a gurl to do?
Maybe I'll get sparked by something when the new Knitty goes up next week.

The things I have seen that have sparked me - in the new Rowan and Vogue - then make me feel depressed that I didn't follow through with losing weight this winter. All the really cute stuff is midriff baring and fitted.

My midriff? Well let's just say, Sunday I put on a pretty pink regular length sweater to go to my families Easter dinner and after passing the mirror a couple times took it off and put on a blouse-y button up shirt thing.

I couldn't bear going out of the house looking like a human Easter egg.

First Day of Spring

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 04:23:29 GMT

Crocus in our front flowerbed

"Greetings on this most exceedingly beautiful spring morning.

A morning swollen with new life, a morning on which, if I had the voice, I would let loose with song. It's hard to believe just a few short weeks ago we were eating our cornflakes in the wintery dark. Now, well it's still kind of dim out there, but I can see the golden glow of Apollo's chariot waiting in the wings, about to make its entrance.

Winter's on the lam, no doubt."

Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider Northern Exposure, Wake Up Call, 1992

More Signs of Spring?

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 20:45:26 GMT

Spring is about birth and re-birth.
I'm grateful that my family is being blessed by both this Spring.

Re-birth.
My 27 year old son was released from the hospital today. He's been there since last Sunday going through detox. He relapsed after 1 year and 10 months (or so) of clean time.

Today he's headed back down the path to recovery and I'm thankful for that.
Add him to your prayer/good vibes list if you are into that kind of thing.
His name is Dusty.

Birth:
My niece is having a little girl, any day now.
Her name is going to be Kara, but my niece has decided she's going to call her "Frankie" after my dad.

So, I'm knitting this for "Frankie."

...the Lacy Sweater from Zo� Mellor's Adorable Knits for Tots.

I'm using Rowan Handknit DK Cotton in Lupin #305.
In my pic the yarn looks more blue/purple.
This
is what Lupin really looks like.

There was a Knit-Along for the Lacy Sweater that started a year ago this month.
That's me...always a few steps behind the crowd.

One irritating and fairly well documented thing about this pattern is that the lace at the bottom of the sweater doesn't play well with the rest of the sweater. Because the non-scalloped edge is lacy to the very edge of the edge, when you pick up the number of stitches needed to start the sweater, it pulls the lace edge taunt, which in turn makes a nasty pucker along the few rows of stockinette stitch between the lace edge and the eyelet at the bottom of the sweater. (Whew!)

I tried a couple things to relieve this, like adding a couple more repeats to the lace; only to realize that it's not the length of the lace that makes it pucker - it's how/where you have to pick up stitches along the unscalloped edge. It doesn't allow for any give and so - puckers.

I decided to find another lace pattern and settled on Baby Tears from Nicky Epstein's Knitting on the Edge and it's working perfectly! That nasty pucker is gone, gone gone! The Baby Tears lace is not as intricate as the lace the pattern calls for and it's not as long. It's a 7 to 9 stitch length lace as opposed to the 8 to 16 inch stitch lace in the pattern. I like it a lot better...I think it's more baby like.

The picture shows a completed back and a started front.
Since the picture I've begun the flower motif.

Again this week, knitting time has been in short supply -
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for some solid knitting time this weekend.

Middle of March and the Sun is Shining

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 15:09:39 GMT

Like so many others I've had a bad case of Winter blues. I wish I could say, I have a bad case of Spring fever but we haven't had any weather that even remotely resembles Spring. There are hints that the gray and cold won't last forever, like the crocus and tulip bulbs that C and I planted last Fall, breaking through the hard dirt around our front porch and days getting longer. Spirit lifters.

Speaking of spirit lifters.
Here's my sister in the sweater I made for her:

This is a classic Cindi picture.
She had been coloring on the floor with her grandson Broody.
The picture was taken Saturday evening when the Clear Clan met at the nursing home where my Dad is, to celebrate my parents 56th wedding anniversary with pizza and an ice cream cake. (My Dad may have forgotten a lot of things but not his love for ice cream!) Dad knew everyone's' names and was able to tolerate the celebration commotion for longer than I thought he would be able to. Next day he didn't remember any of it. He's making us all remember that it's being present in the moment that counts.

Anyway, Sam looked great in her sweater and it made me happy she wore it to the family shindig.

If you read my blog regularly, you may remember that Amber did a three card Knitting Tarot reading for me earlier this year. After finishing the sweater and giving it to Cindi, I asked her to do another reading. (XOXO Amber! Thank You! You are the BEST!) If you're interested you can check it out here. Scroll down to "Ask the Knitting Tarot".

The reading gave me lots to think about, especially this:
Our knitter/querent says, in her own words, "what kind of energy has been created by her (the querent's sister) now 'holding' the other end of the 'thread'?" By tomorrow, or next week, or next month, when a relationship that has been troubled for many years is still not "all better", our knitter/querent may in fact feel what, in the most literal sense, is true: her sister now holds both ends of that thread. And now that the sweater is finished and given over to it's recipient, our querent/knitter may feel like a Stranded Knitter indeed.

Even though I wanted to be all esoteric about me deciding to finish the sweater and give it to my sister and think that the sweater would re-connect us; the truth is that I've been here before, a few other times in the past 8 years - thinking our relationship was on the mend, only to find out via other family members that it wasn't. That I had done (the ellusive) something to hurt her feelings or push her away. (This is where I think the Prince of Spindles comes into play.)

No hiding from the Eight of Gauge - I've done something to change the energy between us...the (yarn) ball is in her court.

The Ten of Skeins says: make the best of your bounty. If, now that the sweater is finished, our knitter/querent wants to splash out on some big new yarn purchases and prepare for a big new project, for herself or someone else, now would be a nice time to do it -- something exciting, distracting, a new page in the book.

I do have a new project on the needles and one in the planning/gathering materials stage.
More about that later this week.

BTW - Amber emailed me after seeing this post and wrote:
i love the photo of your sister -- am a little intrigued by the fact that
she seems to be wearing a shrunken head around her neck. what IS that?

That is one of my sister's doll creations. Sometimes she makes doll heads and puts 'em on a cord to wear as a necklace or hang whereever. This particular one was the head of a little old lady with glasses and wooly gray hair.

So Amber - good eyes! It really is a shrunken head 'round her neck. All I can say is that my mom, my sister, me...we're freaks for odd handmade things.

Sam's Sweater

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 22:02:36 GMT

Finished.
8+ years as a UFO.

C as model:

This picture shows the cables really well:

I gave it to Sam (Cindi) Monday.
She cried. My mom cried.
I didn't cry. I just felt really, really happy.

Really. Happy.

Another 'L' Word

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 19:41:02 GMT

Loser.
That's me.
With a capital "L".

The Goddess hits me every now and then with a dose of reality about myself.

It's a good thing really.

In all honesty I don't think it's low self-esteem even though I could be beating up on myself a little.
Mostly it's about learning to accept myself for who I really am.
A little public ridicule is part of the process.

So...what's this all about?

It's about me and the big ideas I get and my lack of follow through.

Latest example: The Knit Bloggers Thread Project.

I posted my intention to host this project on my blog and to the Knit Blog Yahoo Group.
There were 2 responses to my post. No response to my email to the Yahoo Group.
I choose to believe the lack of response was due to the large number of Good Works / Feel Good Projects that Knit Bloggers, Knit Blog Readers and Knitters are involved in.

The lack of response was disappointing yes - but it made me realize that I get excited about stuff and expect other people to get excited too. The realization is that I can only sustain my own enthusiasm for a short time without having it fed by other's enthusiasm. Next thing you know, a month has gone by and I haven't posted anything else about it. It's forgotten.

I had another experience with this shortly after I first started blogging. I started a Knit Blogger's Reading Group. It's was so exciting pulling it together and having other knitters be excited about it. But the energy it took to keep it going - Well, I guess I just don't have the drive or discipline, or maturity or the stick-to-it-ness it takes to see a project through.

So I'm working on accepting that I am not a project maintainer.
I wish I were. But I'm not. Not right now anyway.

I do *SO* admire those of you who are.

So for the sake of closure.
The Knit Blogger's Thread Project is no more
Karen - I'll send your thread back to you soon.

My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am.�
~Author Unknown

Contains Actual Knitting Content

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 04:01:38 GMT

For some reason, knitting time has been in short supply lately.

I've been doing most of my knitting during my lunch hour at work. Now that I have my own cube, I've been eating lunch at my desk, then spending the rest the time with my feet propped up on a pulled out lower drawer, knitting quietly.

To prove that I've been making progress here's a picture...

.

..of me wearing my sister Sam's-very-close-to-being-done-birthday-gift-Sweater.
The last sleeve is about 1/3 done.

Sam's birthday is Wednesday.
Even though I'm taking a vacation day tomorrow, I doubt the sleeve will done by Wednesday. Cherise and I will be spending the day assembling a new desk for Cherise and rearranging our home office.

A completed sweater ~aka~ Ready to Give Birthday Gift by Sunday?
That may be a reality.
...though I might have a hard time getting it away from Dot...

...she says merino wool is really nice and soft to lay on - especially when it's on Mommy's lap.

Speaking of Dot.
Friday evening Kristi, Sean and Corynna came to our house - Sean put together a desk for me.

Corynna kept busy by dressing Dot up in styrofoam packaging wrap:

Dot was not amused.

"If I sit pretty maybe the little gurl will leave me alone."

"Mom.
Please!
Quit taking pictures and get this stuff off of me!"

How pitiful is that face?

Poor thing...the indignities she endures.

Later that evening - around 10 pm or so - Dot seemed visibly relieved when Corynna fell asleep in the chair.

And Dot's two mommies? They were quite delighted that child and puppy were equally tuckered.
Most days 'round here puppy energy way out weighs the combined energy of the two middle aged women and one over weight adult beagle she shares a home with.

___________________________________________

BTW
Rowan International members - Rowan Magazine #37 - in your mailbox yet?

Loose Knits...

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 16:38:26 GMT

The L Word's second season began Sunday night on Showtime.

I may get my card taken away for writing this, but I hated the first season. Bad writing, bad acting, bad, bad, bad. But C and I watched each episode 'cause it's a show about lesbians so we had to watch - right?

I'll need to see a couple more episodes but things seem to be looking up for season two.

Disclaimer
It could be that I was smitten by the first episode only because yarn and needles appeared not once but TWICE during the episode. Seems that Alice had been given a "knitting" assignment for L.A. Magazine.

The first scene was Alice and Shane (Ummm. Shane.) at the Planet (hang-out/coffee shop). Alice is trying to knit. She seemed to be holding the needles correctly and it looked like she was actually making knit stitches; but she had the yarn wrapped so many times around one of her hands that it had to have serioulsly effected the circulation in her hand.

The next yarn related scene was Alice making a "quiet" phone call to Dana (who is with the woman she is suppose to 'marry' but is having a little thing with Alice) from a Stitch 'n Bitch-ish setting. At the end of the scene there's a cute exchange between Alice and one of the other knitters about Alice's 'project'.

While searching for references Alice's L-Word knitting I was surprised to learn that knitting is an "aucourant lesbian fad" right up there with adopting Chinese babies, placing Craigslist ads, hanging in cafes with your laptop and shopping at Whole Foods.

Anyway...
In honor of Alice's knitting assignment
I scanned this postcard I picked up some time ago:

Wow!

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 14:05:45 GMT

How 'bout Melissa Etheridge's perfermance with Joss Stone at Sunday night's Grammys?

I watched every entertainment show yesterday so I could get a hit of it again and again.

Brave and Crazy she is...Brave and Crazy.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 14:48:41 GMT

All But the Buttons

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 21:24:21 GMT

Saturday night before bed I finished the hood, seamed seams and wove in ends. Grady's Cabled Hoodie is all done but for a smidge of blocking and buttons.

It's *so* sweet - makes me happy just to look at it's iddy-biddy goodness.

More Show than Tell

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 14:08:18 GMT

Grady's Cabled Hoodie
aka Robin Hood Jacket:

Sleeves: Done!

New on the needles this week:

Leg Warmers for Corynna.
Using the pattern from Debbie Bliss' Junior Knits.
The goal is to have the leg warmers done by Valentines Day. If not, then they will just be a fun mid-winter gift. Pink is *the* color for 7 year olds in the know - Thanks to Lizzie McGuire. The yarn is Colori from Elann's Sock It To Me Collection in color #29 Tiffany Roses.

Working with vibrant colors is soothing my winter beaten soul...

Update: Grady's Cabled Hoodie

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 17:19:51 GMT

Add to the finished back shown last week - completed right and left fronts:

I'm about 1/2 done with the first sleeve.

And finally, a face to put with a project:

Meet Mr. Grady.

Mom brought him to visit work yesterday and C snapped this picture.

Looking at his beautiful little face makes me smile.